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Hello my beautiful readers,
I hope you are enjoying summers! Today I want to share some information about a 'less talked about' issue in our society inside our homes.
Recently, I came across an old friend who is at her parents's home with her little daughter and her husband. No, no one is sick and neither is he unemployed. It has been almost six months and she is getting impatient day after day. Traditionally, Indian culture dictates that after the wedding, the bride and groom live with the groom's parents if they are not travelling for work. So technically, she should have been with them but since their home is the size of a shoebox and the groom's father is abusive and disrespectful, they migrated to the comfy nest; the bride's parent's home. Her husband quit his well paid job and keeps making excuses of looking for another one.
There is another story of a friend whose father never worked! Her grandfather was wealthy and had 7 kids. The eldest one was sure to inherit a lot of wealth so he did not take interest in his studies and never worked a day in his life. The grandfather invested in few shops and businesses for him to take care of but it all went to loss since the son was not interested. They looked for a bride for him hoping that he might feel responsible after getting married. He did marry a nice woman who is a qualified teacher with a well paid job. Nevertheless, there never came the sense of responsibility. She worked while he scarfed rent out of the inherited property (which belongs to all the siblings, not just to him but he wouldn't let anyone touch it). He stays at home, walks around the home, yells at tenents, watches TV while the wife works, cleans, cooks, washes and helps raise 4 kids to be humans.
These are examples of the 'Parasitic Child'. Adults who do not take responsibility for their needs and cling to their parents for a living. Family is our support system and all children need help from their families to stand on their own feet until they manage to have a smooth life of their own. Even if the life is not smooth and they have to struggle to get things sorted, it is their own responsibility to fight for it.
If parents dont help these parasites, they feel guilty and when they do help, they feel frustrated after a while.
So, what is the solution to 'The Parasitic Child' syndrome?
My research suggests 'self respect' is the major lacking factor in people like these who keep on asking for help and taking advantage of your good nature (as children, siblings or friends). Someone who has the tiniest bit of dignity and self respect would not over stay his welcome or demand things from parents. Greed kills self respect and when it comes to easy money and house coming from your old folks, it seems all the more simple.
So here are few rules to live by:
1. Your parents are NOT responsible for your living after you turn 18. They may continue to help you until you find a job but then you should be on your own.
2. Your partner and children are YOUR responsibility. If you cannot feed them, dont marry and dont get pregnant.
3. If you lost your job or came into a sudden crisis and have no other option but to ask for help- be genuine. If you can pay your own rent and groceries/bills, you should. If there is absolutely nothing you can pay for, help around the house chores as much as you can.
4. Keep deadlines in mind and inform them about it. Let them know this is your plan and you will soon be out of their way.
5. While you do get a roof over your head at your parents' place, do not get lazy and comfortable. Work day and night to look for a job and move out as soon as you can.
I cannot tell you how many homes I have seen scatter because of greed and laziness of few people. I left home when I was 21 and still have found my 'permanent address' yet. But I do not plan to stay with my parents for any longer than a vacation. I feel that although I miss them and have not seen them for a very long time, they love and respect me. Distance really does make the heart fonder. It gives them a chance to miss me and truly cherish the moments I spend with them when I visit.
I hope you are not a parasite in your own family and if you are, I pray that you do stand on your own feet soon.
Love and Light,
Shahla
