The Untamable Indian Woman

Yes, I am the one

The untamable, the un-trainable,

The one that got away,

The one you couldn’t discipline,

The one that did not listen,

To your billion year old tradition

Rather came up with her own mission

The mission to live life on her own terms

To spend every second the way she wants.

 You call me a control freak because you can’t control me.

You hate my wings, my ambitions.

You scare me with monsters in clothes of men

That threaten to rape, molest and harass,

Well guess what, you can’t do that any more

Cause men are now in my class.

They love me like a daughter and care for me like a brother,

And others just admire the woman that I am

Like a companion, a partner, a lover, a human.

You can’t force them to train me,

Surprise- surprise they hate you now more than ever

You can’t preach them to chain me.

Yup, I am guilty of living a life

Guilty of spitting in the face of patriarchy,

Save your BS male guardianship to yourself

I got no time for malarkey.

My best friends are not gold or diamond,

I believe in real people, who care,

Diamonds don’t hold hands or give hugs

People will always be there.

I used to believe in sacrifice and love,

Now I believe in dating more

I am not letting you ‘arrange’ my marriage

And dump a husband on me, I don’t adore.

Beware; I am not your ‘slim, tall, beautiful, fair’ girl

That you look for in your crappy ‘pick a spouse catalogue’,

I look messy, love cakes and don’t cook everyday

And I do love a healthy intellectual dialogue.

I am not changing my surname for any god damn reason,

I’m not quitting my entire life to wash your laundry,

Some call me selfish; some call me a bitch,

I call it being too smart for paltry.

A woman can move the earth, fly in the sky, run marathons, and dive in the oceans,

Kick, punch and compose and create and define, and encourage

But you only let her wash and clean and cook and shut up,

In the name of the holy institution of marriage.

Why is that? Why must she stay indoors?

Are you scared she will do everything better than you?

If not, let her live her life, her way

And see what happens, I dare you.

With love

From ‘the Untamable Indian Woman’

The Often Ignored Reality Of Male Rapes In India, And The Need For Its Legal Recognition

The Often Ignored Reality Of Male Rapes In India, And The Need For Its Legal Recognition

4 Most Common Impacts of Domestic Violence on Mental Health

Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.

Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

Find out more on www.safespaceseurope.com

5 Myths and Facts Around Sexual Assault

1 in 4 women are victims of sexual assault. Our perceptions need more corrections than laws. Learn and inspire others to share the facts to bring an end to assault.

5 Things That Shock Me About Priety Zinta's Complaint Against Ness Wadia

Priety Zinta, a famous Bollywood actress and entreprenuer recently filed a complaint against her ex boyfriend of 10 years at Mumbai Police Station. As one can imagine, the news spread like wildfire. When such issues come up in the mainstream media however, shocking reactions emerge. What shocks me about this case are 5 things:

1. Title- Love Gone Wrong on #ZEE NEWS
Zee News recently broadcasted a show titled 'Love Gone Wrong' where the media debated with a few panelists about it. Although the intent of the media seemed unskeptical, the way they handled it was ignorant and wrong on so many levels. As an author and researcher on violence against women, I see the title of the show as derogatory. Why couldnt they just say- Bollywood actress complains against such and such person... They said they tried to be sensitive to her feelings but if you see the the images, the music, the headings, subtitles, it is clear that it is catered more for the purpose of entertainment and gossip into a celebritys life. If you disagree with me, just think about this...

What if your relationship ended and it was publically discussed among people who you dont even know, passing their judgment on you? 

Would you even be able to bear if your private life was discussed in public like this? Actresses are professionals who entertain people but they are NOT public properties. Why dont people learn to draw boundaries? The news reporter said that she had been waiting at the gates of the actresses home all day but Priety did not come out and only tweeted that please do not make a soap out of my misery. Isnt that enough message that she needs privacy?

2. No Mention of Domesic Abuse
Another schoking fact is that NO ONE mentioned her complaints as domestic violence or abuse. She clearly said that this had been happening since a long time. For those of you who do not know,

a victim of domestic violence takes somewhere between 7 to 15 attempts to finally break up with her abuser. 

What Priety describes of Ness in her complaint is plain verbal, psychological and physical abuse if not sexual as Abha Singh debated. Since they had already broken up, his abuse could fall into the category of stalking but because they still kept seeing each other for professionals reasons, this is not stalking but domestic abuse.

Shockingly, none of the people on the panel recognized it as such. Ignorance isn't such a bliss.

3. Actress Needs Attention
It is shameful for Indians to even say such a thing. As an actress, she has more to loose than the reputation of an ordinary woman. But instead of her status, lets focus on the fact that when a woman from a poor household, uneducated family makes a complaint, she is disregarded by our so called patriarchal society for petty reasons like she isnt worth it, this is her life, deal with it. When an educated women from a high profile background makes such complaint, people say she seeks attention.
The oddly funny and ugly thing is

Indian society always finds an excuse to blame the woman. So much for VICTIM BLAMING.

4. Diplomatic answers from Bollywood
Rakhi Sawant may be hated in India for being a loud mouthed woman and her quirks but at least she had the guts to stand by Priety Zinta out of sheer faith. Rani Mukherjee and several other actors and actresses gave awfully diplomatic answers when the media questioned them about their opinions. Specifically Rani Mukherjee, who has been a co star of Priety's gave such a nonsensical reply. She was promoting her recently released film Mardani- which she claims is about "women empowerment". Please read how ignorant this movie and Rani Mukherjee herself are here.

But keeping the movie aside, this was a platform to stand in solidarity with a woman in real life, her fellow, her mate and she simply skipped over it saying this platform is for my movie only. WTF seriously. She did not even recognize Priety as a friend, instead merely as a colleague and a 'decent person'. Arent you promoting the rights of women? Or the naked truth is that you are ONLY promoting your movie and the reality does not bother you at all because Ness Wadia is a powerful man and you are scared may be...

Family, friends and fans can support the survivor without revictimization by simply not invading their privacy and saying we are with you. How difficult is that?

5. Ignorance on Trauma and Secondary Victimization of Victim
It seems like no one at all, from top to bottom has any concern for secondary victimization of the complainant. This is a case of psychological trauma where a woman has been abused and subjected to humiliation. But people do not seem to recognize that asking her story again and again or constantly quoting her FIR statements on the media accounts to prolong her trauma.

From the media, to the actors, institutes, politicians and community, India is a loooooooooonnnggg way to learn about violence against women which currently seem to be limited to candel light vigils and media entertainment.

Stay Safe, Stay Blessed,
XOXOX

PS
Love and Hugs to Priety, thats all you need lady!


#zeenews
#prietyzinta
#ranimukherjee
#rakhisawant
#india
#bbc
#upworthy
#TOI

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Why do Indians Continue to Reinforce Ignorant Messages About Feminism and Gender Based Violence?

http://wp.me/p4THXv-1D