CONGRATULATIONS WINNERS!!!

Hey fans,
I must say it is overwhelming that 970 of you participated and showed your love and interest in the recent GIVEAWAY COMPETITION of my book on goodreads.com!

Randomly selected winners are zill-e-ursh nayyer from Pakistan and Michelle Yanney from LA. 

I wish you both congratulations on the win and hope to see your reviews very soon.

So, keep SPARKLING ladies...

Guideline to life...

ARE YOU RICH AND HAPPY OR BROKE AND SAD?

LETS TALK SOME SERIOUS PHILOSOPHY STUFF TODAY....


This world has two kinds of people in general. The happy ones and the sad ones. Although this seems pretty straight forward but this happiness and sadness have deeper meanings. May be by the end of the article you can understand better about these people.

Let's talk about the happy people first. These are the people you see at luxury resorts, men at Casino Royale and ladies at Dior stores. These people ride Porsche and Mazarati. They live in swimming pool villas and fly business class. When you look at them, you wonder if you could be like them one day. They have so many material gains around them. These are like magnets which attract materialistic people who want to be associated with the happy people to be happy.

Now, you would say that I am making an assumption that money brings happiness and every rich person in the world must be happy. No, this isnt true! There is a major difference which distinguishes these happy and sad people. The happy people with all the success and material gains are usually (not always), the people who love themselves more than anything.

These people appear to have a perfect life. And to be honest, it is perfect technically. They have houses, cars, relationships and settle at perfect times. On the other hand are the sad people. The people who have to struggle to pay their bills, no swimming pool bunglows and if at all, they fly economy. No one would look at them and wish it was their life.

Pretty straight forwrd until now. But what about love? Sad people are the ones who love others. It could be their family or a stranger who is a happy person. This is the complicated part about happiness and sadness. Sad people are not necessarily at the top of their work because they care about the people around them. Policitcs, jealousy and evil will always play with their trust on people, faith on God and love for their close ones. They may take longer to reach their destiny because of these extra tests and trials. They will be let down by people, broken hearted and ditched sometimes. But sincel ife does not give much choice and has to go on, they continue doing what they are good at- loving others and being sad.


Happy ones will feel empowered initially. They fool the sad people around and enjoy their success; material or otherwise. They act and pretend to like those people only, who give them more in return. They will bow to the wrong people intentionally, just to be on the good books. They make relationships with people who can give them more, may be name, fame, wealth or other satisfactions. They can step over anyones feelings just to get satisfied.

Its all cool until the rest of their lives, sometimes. People spend decades, feeding their greedy selves and enjoying. But mostly, once in a lifetime, comes a moment, when they realize how empty the happiness is; which is self generated. You have ten varieties on your dining table but you dont feel hungry. You do eat, but just to keep yourself alive. Because you see it daily, that is routine, not pleasure. It is actually simple "optimum utility concept", from Economics. Let's say you are not lonely and do have a partner to share the meal with. But in depth of your heart, you know that this partner is here because there are ten dishes on the table. If there was just one or none, they would never be with you. So, the happiness which I mentioned in the first paragraph, was an illusion.Many people spend their whole lives in this illusion because they are cowards. They live in this illusion because they want to neglect their emptiness and poverty.

Now let's talk about the sad people. Have you ever seen what happens when you give a small chocolate to a kid on the street? Have you ever seen an old age father whose children win a scholarship? How about ever craving for something for weeks,months or years and finally achieving it? These are true happy moments of sad people. They may take longer to come, but its only becuase they are real. There are may be very few people around to love a sad person. But this sad person knows that even if they dont have money, name, job, sexy body or even life; they would still be loved. This true lover might take long to enter their lives, but when they do come, they never leave. So, the sad people live in this relaity which keeps them going. It gives them the courage to step out of bed every morning and give a tough fight to the tests and trials of life.

Thus, happy people are actually empty. Sad people have a lot to worry but they are filled. To care about others and to love someone is difficult. It takes a lot of courage, patience, time and sacrifices to love some one other than yourself. But its worth it no matter how much you love yourself, when the time comes, you cannot do your own funeral and pay others to cry for you.

'BE SAD BUT LOVE OTHERS- THATS THE SECRET TO HAPPINESS'...

Coming home for summer?

Coming home for summer?
Well, its a long story, you see!



I get asked this question often,
When the sunshine is warm and pleasant,
People pack up and leave in haste,
For that family reunion bliss.

I remember how home felt,
The fragrance of Biryani in the air,
Mom, busy preparing to welcome me,
Dad arranging a proxy at his office,
For a day off, so he could pick me,
My five year old brother jumping with joy,
For the toys I would bring as gifts.

When I left home he was an infant,
I remember the day of my departure,
I did not even go to his room,
He was asleep and I was too weak.

I wanna go home, play with him,
Gossip and chat with mom on lazy afternoons,
Cook chinese for Dad, who doesnt have a choice,
but to admire my cooking...

Christmas passed and so did summer,
I weep alone, live in fear.
Fear that sooner or later they will give me away,
And then, I may not be able to see them...

People ask questions, put undue pressure
As if marraige is the only pleasure.
But once you are with a man,
Your priorities change, your time is scarce.

Conflicts arise, bans implemented,
Blood relationships wither like a dry flower.
A daughter is considered a known stranger,
A wife is treated like an imposter.
I AM NONE!

So, I built my own lonely world,
I sleep alone, I eat alone, I live alone.
I do miss mying on Moms lap,
and also ball dancing with Dad without music.

Afternoons of patting my baby brother to sleep,
Shedding a tear or two thinking about separation,
And then falling asleep, pressing him to my chest
And holding his tiny hands in mine...

I am 27, I know am not a little girl anymore,
One day I will have to marry and exit my parents home,
But I am not anyones property,
I am the same little girl who danced around this house,
ruined Momys lipsticks and baked caked for Dad with tiny hands...

There might be a great guy waiting,
To hold mg hand firm at the aisle,
But I cant let go my Dads hand,
Just to go and hold another...

I have two hands
I want to keep holding my Dads too.
The very same hands which held me
when I fell down and broke my knee.
Those hands have wrinkles now
And each passing day, they loose sturdiness.
They need to be held firmly,
They need me.


Please don't ask me again,
If I am going home for summer...

Are you single???

Are you single ?

“Ever thine,

Ever mine

Ever ours…”

Sounds touchy, isn’t it? Beethoven wrote these sometime in the past for his beloved and we all learnt about these in the film Sex and the City and we all fell in love with these words. Who does not want a man write these to them and kindle the romance on Valentine’s Day, when the whole world is turned red and white? This all sounds really good until you come across the basic fact that for all the romance, and love, you need a person to replicate the feelings: the only flaw in an almost perfect picture. I say it flaw because this is the tough part. 

As says a Hindi proverb, you can find God probably but you can hardly find true love. Being single on Valentine’s Day rubs salt on wounds and not every person feels proud to say it is OK to be single. Since the beginning of February, every year, when I notice the trees begin to prepare in welcome of new blossoms, the air fills with rose fragrances and all around I see red and white balloons, cards and flowers, it just melts my heart. It is amazing how much commercialization of feelings adds to the charm of the occasion. But honestly, a partner with a heart flowing with love is as good as a 10kg black forest cake, a large I LOVE YOU card, a bouquet made of 500 red roses and a stunning piece of jewellery from Pandora.

If you neither have a partner nor all this lovely stuff, it is a great time! I say great time because it is time for you to sit back and think:  what is the reason for you being single? How happy are you being single? Is this what you want from life? If you want to mingle, is it just to avoid being single for the sake of it or do you have genuine reasons to find a partner?

There is no right or wrong answers to these questions. It is all about what makes you feel happy. If you feel happy being single, then acknowledge it and do not feel embarrassed about it. If you are more of a sharing person and need someone to cuddle, then look for someone who wants the same.  The worst and most often seen case is when people end up with people who are absolutely different from them. If you are single and want to date in future, make sure you set your priorities straight with the guy. Otherwise you would end up single again very soon by the incompatibility. And all those depression related Ben and Jerry’s Baked Alaska ice cream will not help, neither would Ferrero Roucher or Thornton’s. So, what is it that would help?

10 steps to finding LOVE forever:

1.       Set your priorities straight when you are not worried or angry.

2.       Let go every single hurt from the past and clear your mind of all the pain and guilt. I know it is not easy but reading “Who moved my Cheese” can help a lot.

3.       Set your reasons straight for dating or partner search. Make sure you have genuine reasons not stupid crappy reasons like “he looks so cool” or “he has got a big car”. Looks and cars do not help when you fall and get hurt.

4.       When you do meet someone new, and they take interest in you, show them the real you. What is a person good for if you need to pretend, just to keep them happy?

5.       If you show your real self and the person seem to like you, get them talking: ask them what are they looking for exactly and question yourself if you can be that person. If you cannot, be polite and share your feelings honestly. It is better to break their heart now but break their life after sometime.

6.       If all goes well, then you are off to a new beginning. While you explore the new world of companionship and red roses, do keep in mind that “roses hurt”. Remember that no one is perfect and you will feel hurt sometimes. There will be arguments and misunderstandings, every relationship has. But this time you will realize, that if your reasons for choosing them were genuine, you will find a matured and sensible way to sort out, forgive and forget your issues. If your reasons were “because she looks hot” or “because he drives a Porsche”, this is where it will all fall apart like a stack of cards.

7.       If you are still together after the fights and learn to live in harmony, do not just sit back and relax.  Ursula Le Guin says “Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone;
it had to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.” Romance dies after a while and what you live is a daily routine life. It seems easy but that is the actual tough part. If both partners do not keep putting enough fuel to keep the candle burning, one will soon find themselves looking for Joey Greco from the program “Cheaters”.

8.       Change is the part of life. Events occur, feelings change and so do people. If you offer all the love and romance following point no 7 above, but do not get the same back, see the yellow signals. You need to be patient to understand if your partner is going through a tough time or need space, but if over a long period of time, you find yourself sacrificing and no efforts from the opposite side, it is climax time. Always remember, if it cannot be replicated, it is not “love”, it is “services”. Communicate and try to work things out being non judgmental and accommodating.

9.       If any of your priorities have changed and do not see things work out between you two despite the efforts and communication, it is time. It is better to mutually and cooperatively take separate ways than to smear each other with muddy insults and public embarrassment.

10.   If you can live through all this and still feel the same warmth on your cheeks you felt when you first heard them say “I love you”, this is a message to not let go and fight against life for them. Not many people reach to point 10 and often have to start over from 1 after they reach point 4 or maximum 5. But only if your partner is a match made in Heaven, you can make it till point 10. Don’t let them go.

In life, more than finding the Mr. Right or Miss right, it is about being right first. If you can manage to be right, then every day can be a Valentine’s Day, every hour can be a Valentines hour and every minute can be a Valentines minute. All filled with roses, romance and happiness. Remember, every single person is as lonely as you are and everyone appreciates a loving hug, a welcome smile and a listening ear. It is really that simple, if only people learn to replicate it, the world would not be that lonely you see.

To all those who are in love, and who hope to be one day- Happy and loving Valentine’s Day!

PUBLISHED IN CARDIFF TIMES 14.02.2013 

The journey of my first book I WANT BACK MY SPARKLE...

The decision to write my first published book did not come from an inspiration. Actually it came from anger and frustration. After the December 16th 2012 gangrape of a young girl in New Delhi, it seemed like the entire world was suddenly empathetic for rape victims. Everyday rape and domestic violence stories in print and broadcast media began to drive me crazy. Most people I know do not care about such issues and many do not even mention such an incident in a conversation. I see people being so self centered that all they care and talk about is just themselves. Unlike these people, I become still when I hear such issues in the news. Other people who do talk about the events of the news go as far swearing at the politicians and the rich class of the society to put the blame on them and forget it eventually. I was unhappy doing this too because it did not solve anything.What is the point nagging about something and not doing anything to change it?

I kept watching the news everyday, saw large crowds of people protesting for justice, politicans hiding their faces, police forces denying the blames of negligence and religious leaders expressing their opinions. I noticed chaos! Dramatic chaos in the information supplied to me and billions of others through media. Most people blamed women for provoking these crimes, others revolted and protested but in wrong ways which had no positive outcome in the end.

I remember learning a secret lesson in Martial Arts in a book by Anthony Weston. The lesson is that we are truly secure only when the enemy does not desire to attack us. I adore this secret lesson because of its simple logic and applicability on diverse aspects of life. Rape, domestic violence and stalking kill millions of women globally. We protest to create new laws (which is necessary too, do not get me wrong), burn down public property in rage, swear at lawmakers but unfortunately that does not change much. As the martial arts lesson says, no woman will ever be safe unless men do not want to rape or abuse them at homes. This would mean attacking a root cause, preventing the crime at the first place, without focusing entirely on the cure. So, I asked myself, if there would ever be such a time when men would not want to rape? When domestic violence would be an issue of the past and instead of stalking women, men would rather be able to move on with their lives?

I wondered and I came to a point where I believed that NO, there may not be a 100% fool proof plan or strategy to create a world where no girl ever would fear anyone and would be able to enjoy her freedom unless the world has only female population. Even then there may be occurence of these crimes. But CHANGE IS POSSIBLE, if not 100% then may be 90%. But we CAN DO IT only if we are willing to. I gathered my resources and began to look for answers to the chaos I mentioned above. I looked in old newspapers, books, life experience literature of women and scholarly research. All the confusion I ever had on these issues was now melting away slowly. For example, when I heard people saying that a womans clothes are responsible for her getting raped, I used to have a mixed opinion about it. I thought that to some extent, if a girl is exposing her cleavage more than usual and trying to get male attention, she may be asking for it. I remember Marlyn Monroes words about a womans clothes being tight enough to show that she is a woman and loose enough to show that she is a lady. So, I did agree that there must be a certain level of decency that must be maintained in public. But nevertheless it did not mean she deserved to be raped. This was outrageous. This way the conflict in my mind kept growing.

After reading, listening and talking, I realized I had found answers to most of my confusions. I could sort the chaos in the media and share with people what most people do not know. Scholars who conduct these researches are limited by their time and regional backgrounds. They may not be able to disseminate these crucial facts to some Indian villager woman because of the magnanimity of the distance. It is also very difficult for one person to understand and compare the Eastern and Western cultures like I do because I have been there. I own that personal observation and experience to my advantage. I could analyze things in unique ways and find answers. For instance, Western societies blame alcohol for rapes and domestic violence. But this is untrue. Alcohol may be an excuse or an aggreviating factor but not the cause. This is because if it was a cause, then communities like Muslims and Sikhs where alcohol is absolutely prohibited, would have zero rates of domestic violence and rapes. Unfortunately, they have zero plus thousands.

I had all my data ready and the clouds of confusions cleared up like spring sky and I could see the truth like the sun, slightly harsh, warm and striking but clear. When I began writing my findings, it took me hardly 20 days to jot down. The reason is because I am so passionate about this suject that when I began to write, I spent 14 straight hours without break to continue the flow, in one go. I must agree, my life did become lunatic those days but I had to get it out. And I was afraid to break the flow of ideas. I would only shut down the latptop when I was barely able to see. It was tough but I was soooooooooooo happy during the writing process. I had questions in my mind that what if no one liked it? What if no one read it? What if someone made fun of me? I had never felt so content in my life ever before and I thought that even if no one would ever read it, I would write it anyway to sleep peacefully in the night,  knowing that I have done my part, by doing what was in my power.

I see this book as not just a compilation of crucial research based information, but also as a tool for social reform. On the macro level, it provides answers to the bigger questions about gender based crimes. But on the micro level, it talks to a woman, one on one, conveying the message of standing up for herself. It talks to men by informing them how much pain they cause by their actions and words without even realising its impact. It tells humanity how important it is for a woman to SPARKLE! Every single girl in this planet deserves that extra care and pampering just for being a female. But when men become freaks and try to "contain" females into their homes, they suffocate that spirit of a woman and thus, their SPARKLE fades. And not only men are responisble for this, even women are. In typical orthodox communities, women are equally responsible for making life hell for younger females. And their main disadvantage is that usually they are illeterate and cannot read. Anyone who can read, has a much better chance of saving their own life and that of others around them. Life is short enough to not let go any moment without enjoying the most of it. But life is also long enough to bear the impacts of our actions and words. I wrote this book because I imagine a world where women are not treated like slaves.

Like Martin Luther King, I also have a dream...a dream to abolish gender slavery!

http://www.shahla-khan.com/apps/webstore/
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Want-Back-My-SPARKLE-Breaking/dp/1482052040/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1377982554&sr=1-3&keywords=shahla+khan

Love
Shahla

4 Things I hate about myself......

The top one is my feet,

They are so big and wide,

I love high heels and polished toenails

But only flats are on my side. 

Next is my denture, 

I have a crooked smile,

I avoid laughing in public

Pretend like its my style. 

My hair is so silky and smooth

It can never hold any updo

There is neither bounce nor volume,

And they are almost see through. 

My fingers are pretty weird

I can bend them like a rubber.

They hide my face pretty well

When i sneeze or blubber. 

Despite the crazy wide feet

And the absence of glamorous heels.

My feet travelled across the world

And held me firm like wheels. 

Despite my crooked denture,

I have many reasons to smile,

It lightens up my moms world

Across a few million miles. 

My hair is silky but make others jealous,

I never need keratin treatments.

I am not Rapunzel for sure,

But still recieve compliments. 

Fingers make me wonder sometimes

When I spend hours typing and writing,

What would I do without them

How would I draw anything exciting. 

Yes I am not perfect!

Afraid to look like an elf,

But  I have everything I need,

I must learn to love myself.